Flashback Soberistas blog from 6 months sober, August 2017
My baby isn’t sleeping AT ALL well at the moment and will only sleep for the majority of each night if someone is holding her so I’ve had a lot of time on my phone browsing the internet. One of my fave sobriety blogs is Hip Sobriety and I read this post last night:
This got me thinking about the sober tools I’ve developed over the last nearly six months (eek!) so I wrote them down and was amazed at the length of the list! I wanted to get it down for posterity and if anyone finds it at all helpful so much the better. It’s long though so apologies in advance for that!
Replacement drinks:
At home:
Water – overhydration honestly is a cravings killer
Fancy cordials and fizzy water
Coffee
Tea (oh so much tea!)
Herbal tea (Yogi bedtime is my fave)
Ginger beer for that Friday night aaaaah feeling after the kids are finally asleep (for me this really works, I’ve got one on the go right now, but it’s got to be Fevertree for sufficient burn!)
Eisberg AF red wine when I’m cooking every now and again (generally risotto and Sunday dinners)
If I’m out or having a meal with drinkers:
Red bull (if I’ll be dancing lots and it’s a late one but no more than 2 or I get serious sleep issues!)
Eisberg AF wine for a meal at home or at a dinner party if others are drinking wine
Sainsburys AF sparkling wine for special occasions [Ed: I’ve done a lot of research on this since and still stand by this one being one of the best, along with Scavi &Ray AF prosecco)
Fevertree tonic and a slice of lemon
San Miguel 0.0%
Erdinger Alkoholfrei
Mocktails (Ed: my fave books are Dry, Redemption and the Seedlip one although a lot of the Seedlip ones are insanely complicated!)
If all else fails and no AF substitute drinks are to be had I love a lime and soda. I know AF substitute drinks are not for everyone but for me at the moment they really work. I like having something that tastes grown up sometimes, they don’t make me want alcohol at all and they stop me thinking ‘if only’ – if I want a beer or a glass of wine I can have one, just not one with ethanol in it and that’s no bad thing
Relaxation/comfort/dealing with stress:
Hugs from loved ones (I’ve definitely become more tactile)
Baths with chill out music, mood lighting and aromatherapy stuff
Meditation – the Headspace app and the Oprah Winfrey and Deepak Chopra free experiences when they come up, which are just amazing, I’ve just finished the Desire and Destiny one and despite a wobble in the middle (when I was infinitely more Hormonal and Angry Me than Inspirational Me) I’ve never slept so well or felt so chilled (Ed: I use the Calm app now)
Mindfulness – you can do online courses in this, I did this one ages ago and it was really good: www.palousemindfulness.com
Yoga
Regular massages
Spending time in nature as much as I can
Escapism – when I need to just zone out:
Running
Binge watching Netflix in bed (Top of the Lake OMG how good?!)
Playing video games
Reading
Cooking something complicated or baking
Cleaning (yes really!)
Armchair travel – planning future trips for when the kids are older
Learning more about addiction and sobriety and understanding why I drank:
Reading quit lit and drinking memoirs and fiction. So far I’ve read:
This Naked Mind (for me, life changing – totally redefined my thinking about alcohol)
Alcohol Explained
The Sober Revolution (of course!)
Sober is the New Black
Kick the Drink Easily (Jason Vale)
Blackout
A Million Little Pieces and My Friend Leonard
The Girl on the Train
Rachel’s Holiday
Reading loads and loads of sobriety blogs both from you lovely people and others:
And Everything Afterwards – the one that started it all for me
Hip Sobriety – I just adore this one, her attitude to sobriety is just 100% spot on and inspiring. If you are struggling to get on board with the idea of sobriety as a positive life choice go and have a browse around this blog immediately
Laura Mckowen – ditto
Mummy was a secret drinker
Mrs D is Going Without
Signed up for free online Science of Happiness course with edX
On the waiting list for free NHS counselling
Immersing myself in a sober world:
Soberistas – of course! Reading and writing blogs, commenting on blogs and usually a twice a day check in to the AF100 thread
Connecting with new sober friends on Facebook – starting to bring my sober world into my ‘real’ life
Sober mantras – NQTD (never question the decision) is my absolute fave, I’ve had this engraved on the bracelet I wear every day
Telling people in my life about my decision to go AF and talking to them about it positively – not saying ‘boo hoo poor me I can’t drink’ but saying ‘this is what really works for me at the moment and I feel great’ – which has resulted in me getting lots of support, praise and not one person has tried to persuade me to drink. No one can say ‘oh just have one, you’re not that bad’ if you say you’re not drinking because it feels so good to be sober – it totally takes the wind out of people’s sails I’ve found!
Going to Ista meets – hopefully lots more of these in my future!
Doing things that give me the feel good factor and/or a natural adrenaline rush – so far:
Driving (my lovely new car!)
Singing with my choir
Watching musicals
Dancing on nights out with friends
Bodyboarding
Rollercoasters
Horse riding
and I’m always on the look out for more, I just love new experiences now!
Sober treats to feel like I’m spoiling myself:
New clothes (especially pyjamas!)
Luxury toiletries and make up
Recipe books (I really want a mocktails book now too) and cooking equipment
New music
Box sets of fave programmes
and just whatever I fancy really, finances permitting!
Also food treats – particular faves are honeycomb magnums, Cheshire Farm ice cream (if you live in the North West track some down immediately it is unbelievably good), little boxes of posh chocolates, sugary sweets (loads of these at first, I’m mostly weaned off them now!), toast with Kerrygold Irish butter (always 3 slices, I just can’t stop at 2!)
So there you have it, my sober tools. It just goes to show how lazy I was when I drank and how much I expected alcohol to give me. It was my relaxation, my excitement, my treat, my escapism. Except of course it wasn’t. When I drank I was more stressed, more bored and I had infinitely fewer good things in my life. Even the escapism didn’t work, temporarily maybe, but there was always a horrible price to be paid. What started out as coping mechanisms, things I desperately clung to so I wouldn’t drink are starting, now, to look like a pretty good life from where I’m standing. And I wouldn’t trade them for the ability to have ‘one or two drinks’ in a million years. If you’re early on in this crazy adventure, or if you’re stuck having Groundhog Day 1s, please don’t give up hope. Just keep working on your sober tools because one day you’ll turn around and realise that these tools haven’t just fought off your addiction, they have built a whole new life for you and it’s a really, really bloody good one.