This time of year is hard!

I just wanted to blog today to acknowledge that this time of year makes it really hard to be sober and to remember the genuine joy to be found within our sober lives. And I’m all for taking personal responsibility for my reactions to things but I‘m sorry, this really is a clear case of it being not us, but them. I am sitting on a work call, about wellbeing of all things, looking at the chair’s ‘festive’ Zoom background which is a photo of gin bottles. I will be five years sober in February. I love being sober. It has transformed my life in so many positive ways. I wrote a freaking BOOK about it for goodness sake. I am posting every day on my Instagram an alcohol free advent to help others find their sober joys at this time of year. And I am sitting here, looking at these bottles of gin, sitting complacently in a space where they have no right to be, and it makes me want to cry with frustration. 

Frustration at the culture around us, the very water we swim in, which tells us again and again and again that alcohol is not what it is (a neurotoxic, liver damaging, addictive central nervous depressant which is harmful to the physical and mental health of every single person who imbibes) but rather a harmless adjunct to a well-rounded and happy life. A way of signalling to others that we are fun, that we know how to cut loose and treat ourselves. A bit of a laugh on the Christmas work call. And frustration at myself, that despite how comfortable I am in my sobriety and how much I have to offer in terms of my perspective on all this, I still can’t bring myself to challenge this BS when I see it, despite working for an organisation that is constantly saying they want employees to ‘bring their whole self to work’.

Because if I did say anything I know to my bones that it would become all about me. Oh I’m so sorry this was triggering for you. I’m so sorry I didn’t consider people who have a problem with alcohol. I would feel bad because I would be the one being a party pooper, the sensitive snowflake who can’t take a joke because I’m so very damaged. And that’s NOT IT. It’s just totally inappropriate, for everyone’s benefit, however much they do or do not imbibe themselves, to bring alcohol into any kind of wellness space. To let it sit there, sinking into everyone’s subconscious, normalising the substance and othering the millions of us who suffer significant harm when we consume it. It’s just so hugely unhelpful for everyone and we should be past it already. 

And this time of year is absolutely bonkers for this. You just can’t get away from it. As well as the call this morning I have had to field alcohol references in the last week alone from the following sources:

– multiple emails from my children’s primary school

– pretty much every non-sober person I know both in person and on social media 

– Christmas movies

– Christmas cards

– Christmas novelty items including those which seem to be aimed at teenagers and are next to actual toys on the shelves

– pretty much every single aisle in the supermarket

– Christmas songs 

– Fecking mince pies – I don’t want them to contain brandy or port or cognac!!

It’s exhausting. It really is. And this is coming from someone who is coming up on half a decade sober and genuinely never gets a craving to drink or thinks fondly about alcohol at all anymore. I had to approach my first sober Christmas like a military operation just to navigate all this crap and pretty much collapsed in an burned out heap the following January. 

I wish I had an answer but all I can say, lovely people, is treat yourselves with so much care this festive season. Rest as much as you can, be mindful of the media you‘re consuming and see if you can reduce the alcohol messaging you’re being exposed to by 25% (coming off social media for the rest of the season is an excellent start). Treat yourself to lots of things which genuinely support your wellbeing. Sleep. Stay warm. Move your body in ways that feel good. Connect with your sober tribe above all because it’s a jungle out there but you’re not alone. And remember that it will soon pass and we then get our annual season of smugness aka January, when we can feel like this:

So hang on in there and don’t drink – this is my 6th sober Christmas as an adult (8th counting pregnancies) and honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way. The only thing I’d change is the exalted place booze still has within our culture and particularly at this time of year, because I’m just done with it – it harms people, it irritates the fuck out of the millions of us who whose not to drink or can’t drink or struggled with drinking or just plain and simple don’t drink, and we are over two decades into the new millennium. It’s way beyond time that we started looking at our societal booze problem more realistically, because it’s just not funny anymore.

So remember above all this festive season:

• There is nothing wrong with you
• You are not the problem when it comes to alcohol
• Sobriety is a beautiful and life-enhancing choice you can make you yourself
• It is 100% possible to have a joyful, playful, fun, cosy, delicious Christmas without a drop of the stuff.

Lots of love from Julia xxx