Flashback Soberistas blog from 14 months sober
At 440 days sober today (just saying!) I rarely have any nostalgic or romantic thoughts about alcohol. But the odd one does sneak in under the radar from time to time. This morning I was looking at my new picture wall I’ve made of loads of our old holiday photos and the thought occurred to me that I will never drink alcohol on holiday again. Never again will I drink a mojito in Old Havana, red wine in Provence, metaxa after a meal in Greece, champagne in Paris or an ice cold beer in Prague. And for a brief moment I felt a bit sad about that.
But then I had a bit of a revelation. That for me it’s never been like that. I’ve never had a holiday where drinking was the icing on the cake, the finishing touch making the perfect holiday just that little bit more perfect. Because once alcohol is in the picture it doesn’t matter a damn where I am, because all I really care about is having more of it. I thought about the time I got shit faced on mojitos at our all inclusive resort in Cuba and spent most of the next day asleep by the pool getting bitten by mosquitos. The not so delightful experience of throwing up metaxa and moussaka on a scorching morning in Kefalonia. The row I had with my husband on our honeymoon in Paris ffs because I wanted to stay out drinking in a skanky Irish pub which was the only place I could find near our hotel that stayed open past 10pm and he, understandably, did not.
And then I had the most wonderful moment of total acceptance of how it is for me – I can have alcohol if I want, no one is stopping me from having it but me. But if I have alcohol I will have just that – alcohol. Nothing else. It will become my total focus, everything else will fade into the background and, eventually, it will drive every good thing out of my life. Or, instead, I can have everything else – a loving relationship, the love and respect of my children, memorable experiences in amazing places around the world, a fulfilling career, a lovely home and wonderful, supportive friends. Respect and compassion for myself. Love, happiness, adventure. Reality. Life.
Alcohol… or everything else. I think the battle we are all fighting really is about getting totally on board with that and not torturing ourselves with ‘what if’ or ’if only’ thoughts. Because really when you look at all that, what would alcohol, a numbing, depressant drug, add to it, even if we could have both? A big fat nothing, that’s what! And if you’ve read that list and thought well it’s all very well for her, I don’t have all that, I’ll let you into a secret. Neither do I… yet. But I’m a damn sight closer to all of it now than I was this time last year and that is entirely down to my sobriety. Because I am now moving forward when before I was stuck.
Alcohol… or everything else – that’s the choice some of us make every day lovely people. So choose wisely, because the whole world is out there for the taking – don’t let it pass you by.
