I know it’s a bit weird for the first post in a sobriety blog to be at 18 months but I’ve been blogging over on Soberistas and, until now, been feeling too scared to ‘go public’. But here I am – hi! I stopped drinking the day after my 40th birthday party (that was one hell of a hangover) on 19th February 2017. My life since then has been full of amazing surprises and now I basically want to share the sober love as much as I can because I honestly believe it is one of the world’s best kept secrets.
These are some random things that have been occurring to me lately, things I’ve learned or little revelations I’ve had since I stopped drinking all those months ago.
1. To make this stick drinking has to stop being an option. The physical and even the mental cravings are not that hard to resist in the great scheme of things, but if you end up in a ‘will I won’t I’ debate in your mind it is unlikely to end well. I was lucky in that I knew 100% on my day 1 that there would be no moderating for me and it would have a disastrous effect on my mental health if I kept drinking. Have I loved every single sober day? Of course not, some were incredibly hard. It didn’t matter because drinking was not and never will be an option for me, no decision making required.
2. Listen to what your triggers and cravings are telling you. Can you work out why you want a drink right now? Is it a specific feeling you want and is there another way to get there? Is it because of a toxic relationship or situation in your life that needs addressing? You don’t have to put up with feeling crappy just because you don’t drink.
3. Don’t compare yourself to others. Ever. No two people will have the same journey from problem drinking, in whatever form that took, to sobriety. Some people will have one day 1, some will have 100, or 1000. It doesn’t matter, your first day 1 can be your last. Your 1001st can be your last. This can happen for anyone who refuses to give up on reaching long term sobriety.
4. Learning how to live your life entirely differently as an adult is really fucking hard. Give yourself a ton of credit for that. And a lot of sober treats.
5.You can’t just not drink and expect to be happy in sobriety. You need to also build a life you (mostly) don’t want to escape from. This is even harder – as above times ten.
6. Sometimes life will be amazing, sometimes it will be shit and sometimes it will be mind-numbingly dull. None of this is your sobriety‘s fault and it’s all infinitely better than the soul sucking chaos of a problem drinker’s life.
7. Try to focus on the positives as much as possible – there are so many, large and small, many hiding in everyday moments. Tune into them and you’ll make the journey much more pleasant for yourself. Don’t have an I can’t mindset. If you think I can‘t do this you’ll probably be right. If you think I can’t drink you’ll feel deprived and miserable. You can do this and you don’t drink.
8. Connect, connect, connect – you don’t have to do this alone. I couldn’t have done this alone.
9. If you need support, with anything, reach out for help. I am still feeling pretty emotional at how completely wrapped up in love and support I felt after I blogged on Soberistas about feeling down last week. Sober people make incredible friends. Fact.
10. Try to be your own biggest cheerleader. You are doing something fucking amazing. You’re not just facing an addiction head on, you’re beating an addiction that the whole of western society tells you is normal behaviour (as long as you‘re not one of those poor unfortunates who can’t control it of course) and going against the grain of our whole culture again and again. This is brave, strong and amazing. Try to remind yourself of that often.
11. You are not as brave at the start as you will be because alcohol saps your courage and addiction ravages your self respect. I came out as 18 months sober on social media today (I’m on Instagram as nofiltersobriety, come and say hello!). I never in a billion, trillion years thought I would ever be able to do that. I did do that, I am that brave (although still also feel slightly sick 😂).
12. People will never stop surprising you. My best friends from ‘before’ have been without exception amazingly accepting of my sobriety, which will have come as a bit of a shock! Many people have responded to my social media overshare today in the most wonderfully accepting and supportive ways. Yes there are also many dicks in the world but my experience over the last 18 months has been that people are, in general, pretty awesome if you just get out there and be yourself.
13. You don’t have to follow a script – you can do this in a way that works for you. Go to AA, or don’t. Share your journey or just read. Count days, or not. It’s ok to hate running or yoga or meditation or tea, to not want to become a vegetarian or take up five new hobbies in the first six months. My early sobriety was mostly built on Haribo, ginger beer and Netflix.
14. Once you see alcohol differently to most of the rest of western society you can’t unsee it and that can feel really lonely and uncomfortable at times.
15. But that’s ok because you will have a much higher tolerance for discomfort and will give infinitely fewer fucks what other people think about you.
16. Being alcohol free, more than anything, gives you choices. If a party is awesome you stay, if it’s shit you leave. You can stay up until 2am dancing with your besties or you can go to bed early and get up at sunrise for a run on the beach. All you lose from your life are a lot of the bad bits because you are more aware of and therefore much less accepting of them. This is not always easy but my god it’s worth the effort.
17. You will still be you, just a happier, stronger, upgraded version. I am still clumsy, hedonistic, a bit of a liability sometimes and have no off switch whatsoever. But it doesn’t matter now because I’m not playing with fire by messing around with addictive drugs (pretty serious caffeine addiction excepted). You will not lose any of the parts of yourself worth keeping I promise you, and you will gain so SO much.
18. Yes there are ups and downs, yes it can be really hard, but moments that make it worth it make SO worth it. This morning I did go for a run at sunrise on the beach. Afterwards I sat on the dunes and meditated for ten minutes. I sat there on this beautiful deserted beach and said thank you from the bottom of my heart to whatever it was that brought me to this amazing place in my life. Where I can respect myself, be there 100% for my family and friends, really appreciate the good moments and refuse to put up with the bad for a moment longer than I have to. I will never, for the rest of my life, stop saying thank you.
