Flashback Soberistas blog from 19 months sober
400 days sober today! It feels really significant to me, I guess because on the AF100 thread we make a big deal of the 100 day milestones, and also because I stopped drinking two days after my 40th birthday so the number 4 feels important to my sobriety somehow.
So, to mark the occasion, here are 40 things I do now, that I didn’t do when I thought my best friend was wine:
1. Wake up with no hangover, every single day.
2. Meditate, pretty much daily, and especially when I’m stressed, which actually works in reducing stress, unlike drinking poison.
3. Put my phone away for long periods at the weekend to give my kids my undivided attention (ok so not right now but I did take them to the park today!).
4. Use the ‘cry laugh’ emoji WAY more than the ‘monkey hiding its eyes’ emoji – in other words my life is filled with laughter not shame, which is always good!
5. Sleep beautifully well (when the little ones let me) and never, ever wake up at 3am bathed in anxiety.
6. Always remember what I did, what I said and how I got home.
7. Clean the toilet without having to think about the last time I spent a Sunday morning throwing up in it.
8. Travel all over the country to meet amazing sober warriors, many of whom I am now totally honoured to call my friends.
9. Take my make up off and moisturise every single night.
10. Marvel at how white my eyes are now on a regular basis – seriously they must have been so yellow before, urgh!
11. Dance my socks off – totally sober!
12. Properly listen to people I talk to on nights out, without always having one eye on the contents of the wine bottle.
13. Run ever increasingly long distances and sign up for a freaking half marathon this May (still wonder if I’ve over stretched myself a bit with this one!). And going for a run the morning after a night out always makes me feel deliciously smug!
14. Remember all of every film and TV programme I’ve watched and book I’ve read even in the last hour of the evening.
15. Face up to areas of my life that are less than ideal and take positive steps to address them rather than repressing them and hoping they will magically go away by themselves.
16. Go to yoga class every week and marvel at how running is making me loads more bendy – how does that work?!
17. Eat lots of chocolate and ice cream without putting on weight (not really losing any either so far but seeing as I eat pretty much what the hell I want and I definitely have more of a waist and slimmer arms and legs I can’t complain really!)
18. Make a perfect cheese sauce, super crispy roasties and Yorkshire puddings so beautifully risen they made me want to weep with joy among many other culinary delights – it’s amazing what you can accomplish in the kitchen when you’re not half cut, who knew?!
19. Plan days out with my family that we will all enjoy rather than trying to shoehorn in the option for mummy to have a drink – the result generally being that no one had fun, including me.
20. Find a little corner of the internet that feels like home, with amazing peeps who totally get me, make me laugh and cry (in a good way) and are just basically awesome! That’s you by the way.
21. Say no to social occasions that I don’t want to go to and have an early night with a herbal tea, totally feeling the JOMO.
22. Say yes to social occasions that I do want to go to without having to worry whether I’ll embarrass myself.
23. Hold my head up high and feel proud to say I don’t drink.
24. Sing (and dance!) in the previously dreaded front row of choir when we do gigs.
25. Listen to what I really need for my own self care and try to honour that as much as possible.
26. Put my two sobriety bracelets on every morning (one says NQTD and the other says Choose Freedom) and feel a little flash of pride at what I’m doing for myself and my family.
27. Drive anywhere at any time without feeling anxious or deprived.
28. Have moments with my daughters at bedtime where I’m really properly present with them which are just spine tinglingly lovely and never would have happened if I was still chomping at the bit for wine time to start.
29. Rest in bed every single time I feel too unwell to get up without feeling guilty about it.
30. Be there 100% for family and friends if they need me any time day or night.
31. Order whatever I want to drink when I’m out for lunch without any agonised internal debate.
32. Look in the mirror and not feel ashamed of the person I see there.
33. Work overtime in the evenings when we need extra cash without feeling resentful even (gasp) on a Friday night!
34. Come back from holidays and weekends away feeling really properly rested rather than ruined and depressed.
35. Buy myself lovely little treats just because I deserve it. I get my nails done every few weeks now, buy nice clothes, have regular massages and many many other little things that are just for me. And that feels really good.
36. Fall in love with tea again – I get unreasonably excited when an order of new flavours arrives for my Bluebird tea cold brewing bottle and Tesco Finest chai teabags have been an absolute revelation – it really is true that a cup of coffee is like a kick up the arse (which I do need in the morning!) and a cup of tea is like a hug.
37. Kiss and cuddle my daughters without ever having to worry about wine breath.
38. Have some wonderful moments of proper mindfulness, looking up at the night sky or sitting by the sea, just drinking in the world around me and feeling grateful to be alive.
39. Be totally on it at work, every single day, and even think about going for a promotion soon.
40. Be able to feel absolutely content just sitting alone, with a cup of tea, looking out the window.
40 gifts sobriety has given me.
40 reasons my life is better.
All small things in a way, but then again in another way, not small at all, but totally life changing.
