I had to mark the occasion of turning 1800 days sober today. I still gives me as much joy to hit a sobriety milestone as it did back in my days inching up to 100, 200 and 300 on the awesome hundred day challenge thread on Soberistas. Because every milestone is a reminder of how far I’ve come, how much I’ve achieved and how enormously much BETTER my life is now compared to 1801 days ago. These are some of my favourite reasons why:
1. I know how to look after myself – like really properly, with nutritious food and enough hydration and keeping up with dental and medical appointments and NO toxic piss going into my precious irreplaceable body ever.
2. I get to hang out both virtually and sometimes (though not enough at the moment sadly) in real life with other sober people who are the most fun, caring, interesting and badass people I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing.
3. I never ever ever wake up in the morning and can’t remember why I have a horrible black cloud of doom hanging over me because of something I did in a blackout the night before.
4. And I never ever ever feel disgusted with myself – I have discovered real self-respect and self-compassion. I can look in the mirror and smile, with my head held high.
5. I have got to know myself more in the past 1800 days than in the 40 years prior to that.
6. I have the time to get better at the things I truly love doing, like writing, singing and yoga.
7. By focusing my time on things I love doing I spend my life surrounded by people I can really connect with, rather than spending time with anyone who happened to like booze as much as I did.
8. I can be there for my kids 24/7 and no part of my life excludes them – that’s not to say I don’t need me time because of course I do but I can be so much more flexible about that depending on what they need.
9. I’ve got tons fitter and really properly got my head round the link between exercise and my mental health, so now I exercise because I know it helps me be my best self rather than in a desperate attempt to be smaller.
10. I found the courage to leave a marriage that was slowly breaking my heart piece by piece, set both me and my ex free for relationships as good as we deserve and set an example for my girls that women do not have to live in misery to please others.
11. I’ve discovered whole new career paths and had the bravery and work ethic to pursue them.
12. I’ve curated my online world so that on the rare occasions I do go on social media I generally feel uplifted rather than depressed (I still feel better keeping it to a minimum though…)
13. I’ve read so many books (and remembered them!) and so I swear my brain has got a bit bigger…
14. As well as the individual friends I’ve made, who I will never stop being grateful for, sobriety has given me a whole community where I feel I belong which is a rare and precious thing in the modern world.
15. I’ve learned how to meditate which is the single biggest gift I have ever given my whirring and anxious brain.
16. I no longer feel convinced that I’m going to die young, or commit some hideous crime in a blackout, or have my kids taken into care (all of which used to plague me with anxiety on the regular).
17. I can drive anywhere and everywhere and my decision making about whether I want to attend a social event is guided purely by whether I will genuinely enjoy it or not.
18. I have a firm foundation on which to build my life. I used to feel so vulnerable, so at risk of being swept away by the slightest wind. Now I have my sobriety to stand on and I know that even if everything else was swept away, as long as I have that then I can start to rebuild.
I was out for a run yesterday. In my second year sober I ran a half marathon but after I had covid in November 2020 my fitness took a total nosedive. I’m finally coming out the other end of my long covid joys and yesterday I completed week 5 of Couch to 5k with no extra walking which is a BIG deal to me right now. And it reminded me of a hashtag often used on sober Instagram – #wedorecover. And it’s true – our bodies are literally designed for recovery. Sometimes it takes patience and time but we DO recover. I have recovered my best life, thanks to sobriety, and you will recover yours too – all you have to do is keep going.
